The past few days have been rough emotionally. I remember when the shooting in Columbine happened. It hit me so hard because I was in high school at the time. But this time, being a mom and seeing this happen to such little children just like mine... a first grader just like Makenzie, it has just been very, very hard to even think about.
As soon as I heard about it, I just wanted to grab all of my kids and never let them go.
Thank goodness Fridays are short days for Makenzie because I couldn't wait to have her home. Not that I was worried about her safety or anything, I just, you know... wanted to have her home.
We were already out and about when school was about to end so I drove to the school and picked her up. The kids were lined up outside behind a sign with their bus number, and I quickly waved to Kenz who excitedly ran to me and bounced away with me to the car. I don't know if I've ever appreciated her presence in my life more than I did at that very moment. And I felt so horrible for the parents who also went to their first grader's school that day, watched all the kids line up, and realized their baby wasn't there. That moment... I can't even imagine the horror.
I am so grateful for my kids. They are my whole world. This experience has been a strong reminder that life is fragile. It has been a reminder to just be happy and enjoy each other. Sometimes I think I worry too much about teaching them the rules of life, manners, respect, etc. The last few days I've just been enjoying them. Things that might normally get on my nerves have seemed to matter less, and their feelings and their knowledge of my love for them have seemed to matter more.
I finally got the courage to watch some of the stories about the children who died. There was a little girl who was wearing her brand new pink dress/ Christmas outfit that day. She had begged her mom to let her wear it. And I just burst into tears because I bet her mom was SO glad she let her wear that dress. It was a reminder to me that every single day is special. Every day.
I love these 4 kiddos so much and am so grateful for every day I get to be their mom!
3 comments:
Tara you took the words right out of my mouth. Everything you talked about, I have felt and been feeling since this all happened. I've been in and out of tears and can't stop hugging my kids. Like you, having my own first grader I just keep thinking, what if it was my Teya? The thought is almost too much to bear and brings me to tears every time. I have watched the stories too and just sobbed. I thought the same thing about the mom who let her daughter wear her new dress to school. A tender mercy to know that her last day on earth, she felt special. Trying extra hard to make my kids feel special every day now too :)
As I was reading this post, I could totally relate to everything you said almost perfectly. I felt the same way you did. I think it was a huge reminder to us all to really internalize and appreciate our kids. It made me want to be a better mom too. Merry Christmas Tara and family! Love ya!
Btw, your kids are so cute! :)
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