I really think I used to have it figured out. I'm looking back on my early days of momhood, and I have to say... I knew back then what being a mom was all about. Without any hesitation, I would leave my house a total disaster and take the kids to the zoo. To the aquarium. To the children's museum. To story time. On a walk. To a friend's house. I would push Makenzie and Jarom on the swing in the backyard forever. I would explore with them. We built snowmen. We found ants. For heaven's sake, we did flashcards. We practiced letters. We made crafts. We played together. We played together. A lot.
Fast forward to now. Yes, I have 4 kids now. I am young women's president now. I have an Etsy shop now (Does anyone know I have an Etsy shop? Haha. It actually keeps me pretty busy!). Life is busier. But somewhere in my crazy present, I have lost sight of what being a mom is all about. I've been so preoccupied with keeping up with all the cleaning, laundry, organizing, etc., that somehow my kids got pushed onto the back burner. I keep finding myself telling Kyle that we'll do something together, "when I'm done." And because he is so easy and mellow, I clean away, do laundry, make Etsy orders, etc. while he watches cartoon after cartoon. Okay, that's not all he does, but it's too much. I take some breaks here and there to do things with him and the other kids, but the priorities have somehow switched. The to-do list has taken over my life. That's got to change.
This all came to mind today, right after Makenzie got off her bus. Her bus driver was driving down the 35 mph road outside our neighborhood when she hit an 8-year-old girl who had just gotten off her own bus and was running across the street. The little girl was life flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. And it looks like she isn't going to make it.
She's the same age as Makenzie. Her mom sent her off to school just like any normal day, not knowing that her probably rushed goodbye as her daughter went to the bus stop this morning was the last goodbye she would ever say to her. My heart breaks. I wish she could know that thousands of moms are crying and praying along with her.
All I can think about is time. How little time I actually spend with Makenzie. Good, quality time. I hate the advice, "laundry and dishes last forever but your kids are only little once," yada yada yada. It makes me feel guilty whenever I inevitably have to do the laundry or dishes! But there is some wisdom in it. I need to go back to how I used to be, even if it's just a little. I need to leave the house a mess sometimes and play with my kids. I need to not occupy myself so much with things that don't matter. If that had been Makenzie today, I would never forgive myself for not just sitting and playing with her more. I would do anything for the chance to play Barbies with her. I would take the messiest kitchen in the world and mountains of dirty laundry just to play pretend with her or lay down and listen while she reads to me. It's a wake up call.
If you come to my house tomorrow, it will probably be a mess. It better be a mess! Some things are just more important.
2 comments:
So I decided to visit the blog world again after 6 months away and all I can say is wow! I feel like I totally could've written this post because that's exactly how I feel. Now that I have 4 kids the to do list seems all consuming. Just to stay on top of laundry, meals and cleaning the kitchen (forget about cleaning bathrooms, mopping, organizing, etc…) takes every extra moment I have between changing diapers (for 2 kids) nursing baby, making sure piano gets practiced and homework gets done and people get dressed and go potty. Add YW calling in there and I just don't have the tine to play with the kids like I used to, even though they constantly beg me to play. I find myself saying the same thing as you, I'll be there in just a minute, or when I finish (fill in the blank) and then they watch cartoons or go outside but without mommy, the one person they want to spend time with. My heart is wrenched with guilt but I agree that the advice to let the dishes sit in the sink is SOOOOO hard to follow! If my house goes to shambles nobody's going to pick up the slack, if I don't do it, it doesn't get done, and when there's disorder and mess and no clean clothes or dishes, everyone is grumpy. So yeah, it is such a tough thing sometimes. I did force myself to sit with the girls and teach them how to braid each others hair the other day and when I saw how much they loved it I realized I need to sit down with them more often. It's hard to do but this post was a good reminder that in the end, the only thing that matters is nurturing those relationships. The dishes really can wait, even if it means giving up sleep to do them late at night, I guess that's just what I have to do. (heck I've already given up blogging and running, why not sleep? ;) Seriously though I know these are just seasons of our lives. Someday I'll have time to blog again, run again, sleep again, and have a clean house again, but right now the time I've been given is for my kids. Thanks for the reminder! Love you supermom!
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